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People Pleasing, yet Never Pleased with Yourself

Updated: Sep 10, 2021


There’s something very addictive about people pleasing. It’s a thought pattern and a habit that feels really, really good until it becomes desperate - Anne Hathaway

Hey everyone! This is Carol with Soul Essentials Coaching bringing you all up to speed with a series I've been working on where we look and famous movies and coach our characters out of being People Pleasers!


There is almost nothing better than the feeling of helping someone out. Knowing that you made the difference in their life, that you did something for them to make their day.


If everyone else in the was a little more altruistic and a little less of a friggin ***hole, it's safe to say the world would be a much brighter place.


Yet it turns out, there is only so much we can give to others before we begin neglecting ourselves.


I've been thinking about this idea of people pleasing for a while now, why we do it and how we can stop. In fact I was recently a guest on Certified Life Coach Institute's weekly Live where I talked about people pleasers for both coaches and clients. In my own series and my talk with CLCI I provide a few tips that may just help you get out of your people pleasing habits.


So What is a People Pleaser?

You'll know you are a people pleaser from a few signs. Raise your hand if you've ever...

  • Said "YES" to anything you didn't want to do

  • Avoided conflict at all costs!

  • Said sorry for things that weren't your fault

  • Made time for others, but never yourself

  • Taken on too many responsibilities

  • Wanted to say NO, but couldn't find the courage to do so

  • Been afraid of looking selfish

I can say for a fact, you can't maintain this lifestyle forever. People pleasing will drain your life away and turn you into someone you never wanted to be. Here are some of the common side effects I've noticed in myself, clients, and friends who have at one time or another, put others before themselves.

  • Low self-esteem

  • Poor self-confidence

  • Lashing out and frustration

  • Too much stress

  • Spiritual emptiness

  • Resentment

There is Hope!

Take a moment.


If you aren't satisfied with the way things have been going. If you have been putting others wants and desires before your own...


Think about the person you would like to be. The version of you that has taken hold of their own happiness and is living unapologetically and free.


What would that version of you say to yourself? Would they be disappointed or compassionate? What questions would they ask you? What would you ask them?


Once this other you becomes clear in your mind...become them. It may be uncomfortable at first, but acting like the person you want to be will turn you into that person. It just takes time


Start with small, measurable goals if you have to. A little "no" here and there. Block out time for self-care. Take some time off for yourself. Be a little selfish.


Trust me, once you start taking your happiness into your own hands it becomes addicting. And when you become a whole, joyful individual, there is still so much happiness left to give to others, even the ***holes ☺.


 

Why go alone? Partnering with an experienced coach can be the best way in overcoming difficult blocks so you can start living life on your terms. Interested in discovering your power? Book a free discovery call with me and be sure to follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and on YouTube for more tips on how to free your soul!


Take care,


Carol Conklin MCPC

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